Don't Poke a Worm till it Wriggles Read online

  For Charlotte

  in memory of many charming worms

  Contents

  Book Worms

  Don’t Poke a Worm

  Hey Wiggle Wiggle

  Sing a Song of Squiggling

  What is a Worm?

  Tweet Tweet, Blackbird

  If I Could Choose

  Wonderful Worms

  Wormy, Wormy, Oh So Squirmy

  Through a Window

  Ark Anglers

  Reliable, Pliable Worms

  The Worm that Turned

  Weeny Worm Wuffet

  One Famous Worm

  Another Famous Worm

  Late Worm

  Small Robin Horner

  If Worms Were Wishes

  News Item

  Flexi-Worms

  Vermicular Olympics

  Elf and Safety

  A Wriggly Dip

  Everyday Worms

  Racing Worms

  A Nonsense Worm

  Why Wrinkle Your Nose?

  Charming Worms

  Wiggle, Worm, Wiggle

  Mixed Worms

  Cat’s Trophy

  A Close Call

  The Worm who was Afraid of the Light

  Squirmy Wormingham

  The Wise Old Worm

  A Prickly Task

  Mary Had a Wiggly Worm

  More Charming Worms

  Mr Mole

  Incey Wincey Wormy

  Simple Squirmy

  Hickory Dickory Dee

  Wormy Warnings

  More Wormy Warnings

  Weather Worms

  Worms on Ice

  Worms in Winter

  Dreams in a Drought

  Two Little Worms

  The Ghost Worm

  Wee Willie Wormy

  A Worm’s Prayer

  Rock-a-bye Wormy

  Book Worms

  If this book wriggles

  and squiggles and squirms,

  that is because it’s a

  book full of worms.

  Curl up like a worm

  and enjoy all the rhymes,

  a hundred, a thousand,

  a million times.

  Don’t Poke a Worm

  Don’t poke a worm till it wriggles.

  Just joke with a worm till it jiggles

  and breaks into chuckles,

  goes bendy and buckles

  and giggles and giggles and giggles.

  Hey Wiggle Wiggle

  Hey wiggle wiggle

  The worm had a wriggle,

  He squirmed right over the mole.

  The little mole gaped

  To see he’d escaped

  And the worm wriggled into his hole.

  Sing a Song of Squiggling

  Sing a song of squiggling,

  A garden full of worms,

  Four and twenty sneezes

  Cover them in germs.

  When I dig the flower-bed

  The worms begin to squirm,

  Why am I allergic to

  The humble garden worm?

  What is a Worm?

  A string with a wiggle

  A rope with no knot

  A ribbon with nothing to tie

  A finger-sized soil-bag

  A root with no pot

  The gleam in a blackbird’s eye

  Tweet Tweet, Blackbird

  Tweet tweet, blackbird,

  Have you any worms?

  Yes, sir, yes, sir,

  My beak squirms:

  One for the robin,

  One for the thrush,

  And one for the nightingale

  That sings in the bush.

  If I Could Choose

  If I could choose what I might be

  I’d like to be a worm.

  And no-one would say ‘sit still’ to me

  If I could choose what I might be.

  I can’t sit still, you must agree:

  I wriggle and I squirm.

  If I could choose what I might be

  I’d like to be a worm.

  Wonderful Worms

  Anna Worm is acrobatic,

  Bertie Worm is brave,

  Charlie Worm is cheerful,

  a daring worm is Dave.

  Elspeth Worm is elegant,

  Freddie Worm has fangs,

  Gertie Worm is simply great,

  Harvey Worm just hangs.

  Ivy Worm’s inspiring,

  Jasmine Worm, she jives,

  Katy Worm is kindly,

  Lucy Worm saves lives.

  Mary Worm’s magnificent,

  Nasreen Worm is neat,

  Oliver Worm is odd at times,

  a popular worm is Pete.

  Quentin Worm is quiet and quick,

  Richard Worm is wriggly,

  Sanjit Worm’s surprising,

  Tamsin Worm is tickly.

  Ulrica Worm is upside down,

  Vikram Worm is vexed,

  William Worm is witty and wise,

  a secretive worm is X.

  Yolanda Worm likes yellow sand,

  Zoe Worm has zest.

  Ask any worm, “Are you wonderful?”

  and all worms answer, “YES!”

  Wormy, Wormy, Oh So Squirmy

  Wormy, Wormy,

  Oh so squirmy,

  How do your segments coil?

  Through eating clay

  And sand each day

  And forty sorts of soil.

  Through a Window

  One day a worm looked through a little window

  and saw a starfish, far from sea or sand,

  But the window was the glass of a jam jar,

  and the starfish was a small boy’s hand.

  Ark Anglers

  Noah let his sons go fishing,

  only on the strictest terms:

  “Sit still, keep quiet and concentrate:

  we’ve only got two worms!”

  Reliable, Pliable Worms

  Worms are dependable

  stretchy and bendable

  always extendable

  never expendable

  garden befriendable

  completely commendable:

  Give that worm a medal!

  The Worm that Turned

  O

  here is

  the

  worm

  that

  turned

  but

  not

  the other cheek,

  this

  worm

  wrapped

  himself

  around

  the

  early bird’s

  fat

  beak.

  Weeny Worm Wuffet

  Weeny Worm Wuffet,

  Squirmed on a tuffet,

  Eating her soil and clay.

  A hedgehog appeared

  With a prickly beard

  And frightened Worm Wuffet away.

  One Famous Worm

  My name is so famous that, maybe, you know it:

  I’m William Wormsworth, a classical poet.

  Another Famous Worm

  Leonardo da Vormi, an Italian wormy,

  could writhe his name backwards, the teaser!

  One of the cleverest worms on earth,

  he painted the Squirma Lisa.

  Late Worm

  When my worm snuffed it

  somebody stuffed it:

  Taxidermy

  can be wormy.

  Small Robin Horner

  Small Robin Horner

  Sat in a corner

  Eating his fresh worm-pie.

  He stuck in his beak

  And flew into next week

  When a worm whipped him right in the eye
.

  If Worms Were Wishes

  If worms were wishes

  I’d dig every day

  and fill up a bucket

  of worms on the way.

  I’d pick up each one

  and, worm after worm,

  I’d make lots of wishes

  to make people squirm:

  For Tommy (who pushed me

  and trod on my toes)

  I’d wish he had worms

  hanging out of his nose.

  For Polly (who stuck out

  her tongue at me earlier)

  I’d wish her tongue longer,

  and thinner and curlier.

  But for Mum (who has loved me

  since the day I was born)

  I’d wish extra worms

  in her lovely green lawn.

  News Item

  “The scientists know everything about me,”

  said the worm, as it wove down one more hole,

  And its five tiny hearts beat faster,

  “But they still don’t know about my soul.”

  Flexi-Worms

  Twenty soily centimetres underneath the ground

  flexi-worms are exercising, writhing round and round,

  strengthening their muscles in gymnastic pursuits

  as they wiggle-weave and zig-zag in between the roots.

  Tiptoe on the grass, now – don’t make a sound;

  mustn’t wake the worms up deep underground:

  worn out with work-outs, they’re curling up to sleep

  thirty dirty centimetres underneath our feet.

  Sssshhhhh!

  Vermicular* Olympics

  Ploughed field events:

  Long stretch

  High stretch

  100-segment wriggle

  Squiggle, wiggle and curl

  Pebble-put

  Puddle events:

  Back squirm

  Saddle squirm

  Caterpillar squirm

  (*of worms)

  Elf and Safety

  If you’re a worm never visit the home

  of a fairy, a pixie, an elf or a gnome.

  They’ll ask you to stay, in fact, they’ll insist.

  And how will they use you? Consider this list:

  As …

  a beetle’s lead – for walkies,

  a skipping-worm – for play,

  a worm to tie their hair up

  if it’s getting in the way,

  a guard-worm, in holly leaves,

  or, laid out on the floor,

  a living draught-excluder

  shoved up against their door,

  a worm that’s slung between two sticks

  for washing to hang on – a worm in a fix!

  Tied to a flower, a vertical worm,

  for fairyfolk to climb –

  so, worms, be wary of elf and fairy;

  they’ll give you a very hard time!

  A Wriggly Dip

  Dip, dip, earthworm, in the sand,

  Who’d like to hold you in their hand?

  Wriggle little earthworm,

  Wriggle-me-ree,

  Will it be the next one?

  No,

  not

  he!

  Dip, dip, earthworm, in the sand,

  Who’d like to hold you in their hand?

  Wriggle little earthworm,

  Wriggle-me-ree,

  Will it be the next one?

  Yes,

  it’s

  she!

  Everyday Worms

  rough

  worms

  tough worms

  soft and

  sentimental worms

  funny

  worms

  sunny worms

  cool, calm and

  gentle

  worms

  worms in the garden

  worms in

  the park

  worms in

  the daytime

  worms

  after

  dark

  squiggling

  wriggling

  every

  little squirm

  just as

  individual

  as

  every

  tiny

  worm

  Racing Worms

  Humble Worm and Slightly Soiled begin a squirmy race.

  They’re heading for the compost heap for each to fill their face.

  “Last one there’s a centipede!” cries Humble, with a grin.

  “I’m the fastest worm there is,” says Slightly Soiled. “I’ll win!”

  Humble Worm gets tangled in a labyrinth of roots.

  Slightly Soiled surfaces and off the young worm shoots.

  Yet wormly pride, the saying goes, comes before a rise:

  A blackbird grabs poor Slightly Soiled and lifts him to the skies.

  But Slightly Soiled knows stories of what fortune flattery brings;

  He keeps his cool and tells the bird how beautifully he sings.

  “Of course, I do sing wonderfully!” the foolish blackbird calls:

  The plan succeeds – an open beak means Slightly Soiled falls.

  This time he wriggles underleaf, quite safe, but not too deep,

  And in no time at all he’s reached the garden compost heap.

  A second later, who arrives, but Humble Worm: “I reckoned

  I could beat you, Slightly Soiled, but now I see I’m second.”

  The worms shake tails and wriggle in the compost for a feed.

  “The race was close,” says Slightly Soiled, “and I must concede

  That you squirmed pretty quickly for – ahem – a centipede!”

  A Nonsense Worm

  How many worms in a wriggle?

  How many wriggles in a squirm?

  How many squirms in a flower-bed

  if you’ve only got one worm?

  Why Wrinkle Your Nose?

  Why wrinkle your nose at poor worms?

  They’re good creatures, not horrible germs!

  They’re the gardener’s friend,

  Turning soil. In the end

  Plants grow better because of their squirms.

  Charming Worms

  I don’t mean worms are charming

  though, of course, they’re rather sweet

  and if you’re a mole or a hedgehog

  then you’ll find them good to eat –

  no – to ‘charm’ worms is to tempt them

  to come up – let me explain:

  you encourage them to surface

  when you make them think you’re rain.

  The poor worms quickly panic

  when they feel their ceilings shake,

  so they’re up and in the sun before

  they realise their mistake:

  No rain to flood their tunnels!

  No worms about to drown!

  Just a human with a bucket

  who is stamping up and down!

  Wiggle, Worm, Wiggle

  Worm wiggled under the weeds:

  Wiggle, Worm, wiggle.

  Worm wiggled back again.

  Well wiggled, Worm.

  Mixed Worms

  The garden worm is homely,

  he likes bedsock, book and tea.

  The field worm is much bolder,

  she plays wormball; learns to ski.

  The mountain worm’s a cool one –

  an amazing head for heights!

  Woolly sheep and bracken

  are among his chief delights.

  The seaside worm builds castles

  on every sandy shore,

  with heaps of curly corridors

  but never once a door.

  The riverbank worm’s bravest,

  she’s never heard of spud

  or carrot, swede or turnip,

  all she’s ever known is mud.

  Worms are all so different

  and yet so much the same!

  Let’s all applaud the gentle worm,

  salute
its squirmy name.

  Cat’s Trophy

  When cats go out hunting

  they’ll bring in the house

  a frog or a blackbird,

  a shrew or a mouse.

  When my cat was a kitten

  he started out small

  and caught a live earthworm

  to brighten our hall.

  A Close Call

  When Hedgehog saw two worms in love

  her appetite diminished.

  The worms were tangled in a hug

  and, when their cuddle finished,

  the hedgehog said, “Keep calm, young worms,”

  (the worms were looking frantic),

  “I cannot eat two worms in love.

  I’m just an old romantic.”

  So if you spot two tangled worms,

  locked in a strong embrace,

  the chances are you’ll also see

  a hedgehog’s gentle face.

  The Worm who was Afraid of the Light

  “I don’t like it out here on the surface,”

  Said a worm to her mother one day.

  “It’s far too bright. I’m afraid of the light.

  Can I please burrow home now and play?”

  “Oh, dear! Oh, dear!” said her mother.

  “I don’t like little worms that wail.

  It’s a shame that you haven’t a house on your back;

  You should have been born a snail.”

  But that gave the worm an idea:

  She dressed up in a snail’s old shell.

  “Look, Mum,” called her echoey voice,

  “I’m a snail. (But I don’t like the smell.)”

  Now if you find a shell, listen carefully.

  If you hear a small voice saying, “Pooh!”

  Then you’ll know that there’s no snail inside it;

  It is occupied by You Know Who!

  Squirmy Wormingham

  Squirmy Wormingham

  Squirmed to Birmingham

  In a shower of rain.

  He went for a paddle